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[quote=Anonymous]My mom has always said things that were hurtful to me, in the guise of being "helpful" or thinking that it's just no big deal to insult me. Just a handful:
-I once dated a man who had children and didn't want more and I was conflicted on the relationship. She told me to stay with him because "I never thought of you as very maternal, anyway."
-She came to visit me 1 day after bringing my newborn home from the hospital. I'd made an effort to shower, fix my hair, and put on some make-up. I thought this was a pretty monumental effort. She said, "your hair looks as stringy as that girl I saw on the news this morning."
-When DH and I told her we were trying for a second child  she asked why would we want another. 
-in HS she came to see me in a chorale performance. Her one comment was "don't stand with your hands linked in front of you. It makes you look like you are holding up your stomach." 
And so on and so forth. It really used to hurt my feelings and I'd wonder why she was so cruel. Now, I understand that she's just that way. She has her hang-ups about weight and always has projected them onto me. Our relationship now is cordial but distant. I visit her once a year and call maybe once a month. She's in assisted living and sometimes I feel guilty that I don't see her/communicate with her more, but then I remind myself that she's reaping what she sowed. I just try to do better with my kids and hope that we will have a warm, loving, and non-judgmental relationship when they are grown. There's nothing I can do with her now, so we just smile and roll our eyes when she drops her little nuggets. [/quote]

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