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[quote=Anonymous]Been married for 5 years.  2 years ago SIL sent me a very angry/rude text basically saying that I was rude to MIL at a recent event, that MIL needs to enjoy her retirement and not watch our DD 2 days each week (she and my mom split the week from age 3 months to about a year), and that DH and I need to be parents and pay for daycare.  DH told MIL and asked her about the childcare situation and she denied ever saying such a thing (we ended up sending DD to daycare on the two days that MIL used to watch her), apologized to me over the phone for SIL's behavior, and asked SIL to apologize to us.  She never did and since then, it has been awkward each time we've seen her at family events.  We say hello and then we avoid her.  She reached out to DH twice and he asked her to apologize to me.  She said she would but never did.  MIL once called me and asked me to "put the elephant in the closet" and invite SIL to DD's first birthday.  I did and again, we just ignored each other.  She hasn't reached out to me, never sends cards for DD, and we only see her Easter and Thanksgiving and maybe one other random event.  Rather than looking forward to these events, it is the opposite.  We go out of respect for his parents and MIL acts like there is no problem, puts out all of her silver, takes a bunch of pictures for facebook and sends us all on our way until the next event.  I used to always look forward to holidays growing up, and even when we first got married and it is such a shame that it is not that way anymore.  Even more so for my daughter who is a toddler now but will eventually notice these dysfunctional relationships/events.

DH and his sister were never close, but at this point, he doesn't want to invite her to any event in our home.  This causes tension between him and his parents because sometimes he only wants to invite them over and MIL always ask if sister is also invited.  He either ends up canceling or gets angry about it and tells them no.  I am a pretty direct person but DH's family just ignores problems, holds in their feelings and nothing is discussed until it is really at a boiling point, if ever.  I often sense that MIL is resentful/upset about something, but she never discusses it.  I've asked her on a few occasions if I've done something to upset her because I'd like to correct it and she always says no.  But I feel that she contributes to the awkwardness and as the matriarch of the family, isn't bringing everyone together.  I feel like everyone was on their best behavior the first 2 years of our marriage and now.

Anyway, not sure what advice I am seeking.  Basically, I feel that DH's family is pretty dysfunctional, doesn't know how to communicate and I'm not sure what to do about it.  I don't want DD to think that this is normal, though I suppose she'll see my side and see that it is not.  10 days away from Thanksgiving and I am already dreading it. [/quote]

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