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[quote=Anonymous]Long long story short, I come from an abusive household where I was told I wasn't loved or lovable. I married a man who was in love with me when I was pretty, but all his actions were withholding and punishing and he would deny me love, affection, respect and sex. I didn't realize how bad it was till he cheated one me, told me it was because I was not worthy of his love and left me and our child. I know all of this, I'm away of the damage, I've actively worked on healing from the damage.

I've been single for almost 2 years now, post divorce, went on a few dates, never interested. A couple of months ago, went on a date I was expecting to fail, it didn't. I clicked with the guy, we shared interests, humor, chemistry. It was great and because it was great I freaked out. I pushed him away too many times and he ran away, I don't blame him.

I know this is dating, I know I shouldn't get serious about anyone so fast, I know there's POF. But I cannot stop thinking about him. About how it felt to be with him. And how badly I want that again. Before I dated him, I was OK with how I was. I wanted love, but not like this. Now, I relive our brief dating (a bit over a month) in my head non-stop. I want him back. Or I want him to tell me he doesn't want me so I get it in my head that we are over. Because he hasn't fully and openly rejected me yet, I think deep down inside I'm holding hope. This is pathetic, I know better. I know a big part of me obsessing over this was that for the first time in a long time, someone made me feel really good. And life had a different taste. I know to behave differently moving forward, but for now, there's a deep ache inside of me that wants that feeling back. I feel after years and years of being treated like shit, I wish this good feeling lasted for more then a few weeks. How do I wake up, and move forward, with a bit of hope, without reliving something that is gone? Flame away, maybe that will be the slap in the face that I need. [/quote]

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