Reply to Does couples counseling ever strengthen marriages?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Does couples counseling ever strengthen marriages?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think DH and I could use some couples counseling, but he is v. resistant: insists that counseling is a precursor to breaking up, and it just makes people dwell on their problems and so on. Any happy couples counseling stories?[/quote]

DH here. Done well couple counseling can provide a safe place to talk about issues and patterns that may not seem like a big deal right now, but that can either fester or have adverse consequences later.

The point is not to focus on problems, but to recognize ways that our own patterns of behavior may chip away at the relationship.

Each spouse typically comes into a relationship with one major model for how married relationships work (or don't) - that of their parents. And, for better or worse, without a conscious effort we tend to fall into those same patterns and assume our partner will fill his/her half of the model. But your partner isn't working from the same model, and that can create tensions.

I know that I learned certain behaviors from watching my parents, and so has DW. We've talked about them and we joke about it when one of us is falling into one of the patterns that we learned growing up.

For your DH, there are few people who learn less about relationships with the opposite sex growing up than guys do. Guys get coaching in sports, they have teachers for academics, but when it comes to relationships the best guide we have is media (yeah, THAT's gonna work out well) because you don't really talk about dating and relationships with your male peers (unless you have 1-2 exceptionally close, open friends, and even then it's still the ignorant leading the inexperienced). Women do much more talking and relationship analysis growing up - they actually learn from each other.

I'm sure your DH can think of some things you do that irritate the hell out of him, or the times when he knows that he needs to be walking on eggshells around you. He also may be terrified of talking about those things because he doesn't know how to do it in a way that won't (in his mind) avoid your exploding over it.

Couples counseling is a place where the counselor can help you both learn how to recognize and discuss those things that bother both of you, and the patterns in your relationship that lead to miscommunication, misunderstanding, tension and conflict.

Just as importantly, couples counseling provides you with someone who can help bring out the ways that each of you can better support and show affection and love for each other. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics