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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am very sorry you are feeling this way OP.

Do you have anyone in your life, besides us...that you can confide in? A close family member? A best friend? A clergy member? Etc.?

Because to feel the way you are right now, you really need a support system in order to give you a healthy outlet to use as a sounding board as well as lean on when things seem so overwhelming.

Anyway, regarding your husband if talking to him about this as well as suggesting counseling hasn't gotten you anywhere than I see no other option in front of you besides going at this alone.

While not the most attractive option, it is either that or sticking it out w/him + accepting the status quo.

Life is not easy sometimes and sometimes you find yourself at a crossroad such as now. Ultimately it is up to you to decide what direction you want your life to go in and keep in mind one important thing as you do so OP.

It is now no longer only you on this journey. You now have a companion who's needs surpass your own.

Good luck to you both.[/quote]

OP here.  Thanks for the really kind reply.  I don't actually have a really close friend right now.  I find it so hard to maintain friendships in the long run, and so much harder now with working and having a toddler.  There's just no time.  I'm so exhausted.  I do see a therapist once every couple of weeks, but I don't think it's helping all that much.  I'm very lonely.

My child's needs are paramount to me here.  It's what makes everything so much more high stakes.  Someone above asked if DH ever exhibited misogynistic behavior before we had kids.  I did have a few red flags when we were dating -- not least of which was that he was a Howard Stern fan, which was sort of unfathomable to me -- but it would be very, very rare passing kind of things, and often were things he was open to my feedback/concerns about....comments that he would not realize were actually sexist, and if I pointed it out to him, he'd usually be pretty receptive and not make those comments again.   Now, when I express my dismay at things like this, he digs in his heels and defends them and defends his right to say them.  And I end up saying unhelpful things like, "You have a right to be as much of a douchebag as you want but you ought to know it makes me respect you less and less each time."  And it's true.

If we didn't have kids, I probably wouldn't even notice it so much--which I know doesn't reflect all that well on me, but now that we're raising a son together, these things seem exponentially more significant.  I feel so responsible to raise a child who is sensitive and caring and strong and NOT sexist, racist, etc....that passing remarks or off-color jokes that used to make me raise my eyebrows or sigh with annoyance now scream YOU PICKED A TERRIBLE FATHER FOR YOUR CHILD.    And when I think of divorcing him I think, do I really want my child to be in a home alone with this man for 50% of the time without my mediating influence?  Without me at least pointing out that what his dad just said is totally uncool and hurtful?

To be honest, it's like I'm just waking up from this stupid drunken honeymoon phase where I honestly thought that having me in his life was making my husband more of a better person. (And I'm not stupid; I know you really can't change people unless they want to be changed...and yet somehow I convinced myself that that's what was happening.)  And now I realize that I fell in love with the person I had convinced myself I could influence my husband to be rather than who he really is.  And who he really is, is more of a jerk than I ever let myself see.  I feel like the world's biggest idiot.  I do still love him very much, but I like him less and less.  And that makes me feel bad all around.

I'm also aware that I'm really depressed, and I know that depression-colored glasses aren't the most helpful way to see the world.  I guess it's that that I have to work on first, then reassess.  Thanks for listening and for the kind response.[/quote]

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