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[quote=Anonymous]I absolutely stink at navigating interpersonal conflict, so I need some advice. I have 2 children, my youngest is 8 and has autism. We are not lucky enough to have immediate family in the area, but ARE lucky to have a close group of friends who feel like family to us. And we all usually get along just fine, as do our kids, except for who I will refer to as the Perfect Mom and Perfect Dad. Perfect Mom and Perfect Dad feel they have Perfect Kids because they have been Perfect Parents, and that the rest of us Mere Mortal and Imperfect Parents all could benefit from their Perfect Parenting wisdom and skills. This means they feel the need to not just give parenting advice out whenever they feel the situation warrants, but also to discipline other people's children. While both Perfect Mom and Perfect Dad do this to show off, my friend Perfect Mom also I think does this partly from a true place of concern.

This weekend, we were with several other families and friends. There was a minor incident that occurred, no adult saw the incident actually happen, but it was blamed on my ASD daughter. Instead of finding me or my husband to tell us what happened, Perfect Mom went to the other room, pulled my daughter aside, gave her a stern talking to, and then made her go up to the host and apologize to her for what she did. The host (also a good friend of mine) was very uncomfortable, and said, "Oh you do not have to say you are sorry! It was nothing". Perfect Mom and Dad both said, "Oh yes she does...she needs to own up to what she did and take responsibility." The host thought they were out of line, and was afraid to say anything to me at the time because she knew I'd be upset. But when my daughter was behaving strangely and very anxious the next day, she told me about it.

Now, maybe my daughter did what Perfect Mom and Dad said she did, and maybe she didn't. Honestly, it did not sound like anything she would do, rather like something a toddler would do, but I've learned over the years that anything is possible.  What really floored me was that my friends would take it upon themselves to try to discipline my child on their own, instead of finding me or my husband to have us address it! (The "incident", BTW was to throw an old VHS cassette and a toy into a toilet....my daughter has never thrown anything into a toilet....ever....but was seen holding the cassette at one point hence the reason they think she did it)

If this was just an isolated incident of some friends overstepping a line, I'd let it roll off of my back. But it's not - Perfect Mom and Perfect Dad think they can "fix" everything that they see is "wrong" with our daughter. From food to clothes to behavior to social skills. Perfect Mom has even made my daughter have a class 2 meltdown before by trying to exercise her Perfect Parenting skills. How do I tell my friend to stop parenting and disciplining my child, and to let me or my husband take care of it, without causing a rift? They do this to others' kids too, but for some reason I am the one who cannot let this roll off of my back.[/quote]

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