Reply to Issue with DH

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Issue with DH"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]DH and I often have a talk that results  into nothing. It's always about the same things. It's always about me that not putting enough effort to change or improve myself. It's always the same excuses I give every time. I suggested we see marriage counsellor because things aren't resolved between us but DH doesn't think it is necessary as we can talk calmly. I personally don't think the issue between us is going to be resolved any time soon. Should I just see an counsellor myself? Will that help?

The problem is I don't communicate and express my thoughts well (pardon me, English is not my first language). I sometimes say "I don't want to talk about it" if I don't feel like talking over something or I foresee it is not going to end good. DH said I keep a secret from him. He thinks that there is nothing that we cannot talk about in the family. He asks "How do you feel if our daughter say that to you?". Then he pressures me to  answer him when I can talk about it. I have to give him a timeline. But it is not good either because he said I will not talk about it again x hours later, I will just do my personal stuff and avoiding the issue.

The other problem is I see and do things way different than DH. DH is micro detailed person. He pays attention to little detail like curtain is not completely closed and some sunlight get in early morning waking him up. When I close the curtain in the our room, I don't do a good job to completely cover all. It is annoying to him to fix it. He goes into even more detail than that. We have body wash, shampoo, conditioner (lined up in this order) and if I use the conditioner and put it back in the wrong order or a foot away from the others, it's not good enough too. There are things I do that is not up to his standard and he has to re-do it. He said it is a waste of time for him and why can't I just do it right the first time.

The way I see it is we are different, function differently. I am fine with the way he is, who he is. If I don't like something about him, I will  try to find a way around it first and if it doesn't work then I tell him that I don't like abc and if he can do xyz. There aren't too many and when I asked him, he does change it over time.  Things that he asked me to change, I try but it is a hit and miss. It takes too long to change. This is another reason he said I don't make effort to improve. And because he can do it, any reason I give him is an excuse for me to not improving. I agree he is much better than me.

I guess you get the idea. I am not looking to point out who is wrong or right. I just feel like we don't hear each other and things just go in circle and not resolved. Every time we have a talk, his logic is unbreakable. I feel like he pressure me to agree that he is right therefore things should be done that way. I agree too but I don't get it done as he expected. My brain just doesn't work the same way. I need help to find a way to work with DH better to solve our issues.

Sorry about the long post and my English. If anything is not clear, I will try to clarify it. Thank you for any response. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics