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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Losing their uncle with be less of an emotional blow than losing respect for you. When the kids are older - and it becomes known re: who cheated on who, then you have sent a message to your kids re cheating being ok. A huge message. Forget about your shortcomings - whatever that story is. Do not mention to your kids. They don't need to know.[/quote]

Wow, totally off. My sister cheated on her husband. My ex-husband cheated on me. Thus my conflicted feelings and difficulty separating my own bias. And maybe my identification with my BIL and how unfair it seems to cast him out when my sister left him. Yes, I'm disappointed in my sister's behavior. And I'm angry, but then I remember that blame doesn't help. Both situations are more complicated than they seem. Neglect, emotional abuse, etc. Would I be setting a better example by disowning my sister for her poor choices? Kids are in the middle now. [b]I still love my BIL, and so do my kids. It's a mess.[/b][/quote]

And I am sure he still loves you all too, but this is the reality of this type of situation. If it was ugly and contentious there is no such thing as "neutral", even if we wish there were, feelings will be involved and you may hurt your sister whether its rational or fair of her or not.

I think distance is the only way to handle this right now. Of course if you run into him, about town or something, sure stop and chat and all that, but it just takes time to have this heal and come full circle. My own parents are divorced (I was in HS) and its only in the last few years since my younger siblings have been getting married that my parents have had real conversations, etc with their former nieces and nephews at these family events. Its just the way it is.

Also remember that your BIL is likely to find and meet someone new and move on in that way and it would be pretty unlikely that a real, lasting relationship with your kids would continue to thrive once that happens. He will have new obligations, etc. There are only so many hours in a weekend.[/quote]

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