Reply to What do you do when one parent needs nursing care and the other is active?

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[quote=Anonymous]

I would suggest starting with the local office of aging in your parents' locality to get information on assisted living and multi-level continuing care communities.  There is a large one I ran across once in Gaithersburg or Frederick MD with a connection to the Methodist Church - though open to all that was on of the earliest senior communities.  If you can look a bit outside metro DC, it might not be as expensive as you think if your folks were to move into even Independent Living and get support services for you Mom.

If their home is in DC area, it really might be worth quite a bit with some relatively inexpensive things done, cleaning out/staging etc.  In addition in a senior community, one could compare the costs to what housing, food, care brought in etc. would be.  In such a setting all would be on one floor in a unit with elevators between any floors so that would take care of mobility issues.  There would be the option for meal(s) which might be better nutrition for both.  There would be activities your Mom might be engaged in more than Dad, but that would give him the option to continue to come and go as he chooses on his interests and he might meet fellows in similar circumstances or with similar interests.  Th

For any kind of supportive living situation, there is always an assessment done of both individuals and either the level of care needed will be presented or if one can get an independent living unit, needs will be noted that one can then hire an agency or approved private provider for.  Your Mom sounds like if she had care getting showered and dressed in the morning, it would go a long way even 3-4 days a week.  If she was in a setting with a more accessible bathroom with grab bars and walk-in-seated shower she also might do more herself.  This would also afford your Dad a definite break time to be out.

Not an easy task as we had to wait for a second hip fracture this summer in my Mom to get Dad (93) to look at options and 7 of us to get the move done.  She has memory. balance and mobility issues now, but he is like the 82 year old energizer golfer.  Winter in Massachusetts after 27 years in Naples is not going to be easy, but it was time.  Doing your research ahead of time and then presenting positives to your Dad is the way to go.  24/7 caregiving does wear down a spouse, too.
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