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[quote=Anonymous]I was adopted as an infant and located my birth mother about 8 years ago when I was 37.  At initial contact, my birth mother said that she and my birth father had wished for the day that they would hear from me.  She said that though they were married when I was born, they divorced about five years later, but had remained in touch.  She said that he had later gone on to marry and have two children.  In one of her communications to me, she said that he would be getting in touch with me directly.

My birth mother and I have had sporadic contact over the years since I got in touch with her.  We have met in person on a few occasions, but for logistical and life reasons have not had much of an opportunity to develop a very deep relationship.  At some point about a year or so in, I mentioned to her that I had not yet heard from my birth father and had hoped that I would at least get medical information from him.  At my next face to face meeting with her, she gave me a document that included medical information that he had provided.  There was no letter or personal aspect to it at all.

It has now been several years since that time and I recently requested my birth mother to give me contact information for my birth father.  I said that I understood that he probably is not interested in hearing from me, but that I would like to write to him directly, even if just to bring closure.  She responded that he had emphatically asked her to not give me his info - and also that she has not been in contact with him for a couple of years.

So now I just feel sad.  And rejected.  And mad.  I get it that he doesn't want contact, but don't I even deserve any type of explanation of why?  He had the opportunity long ago to just attach a letter to the medical information explaining that he had no intention of writing to me again and would prefer if I would respect that.  That probably would have hurt, but the way that he is dealing with this (or basically not dealing with it) somehow makes it even harder.  As though I am not even worth a simple letter to help me understand.

I also can't 100% shake the feeling that my birth mother possibly may not be telling the truth - or all of the truth.  I don't have a specific reason to suspect this, other than feeling like the situation is really weird.  I have my birth father's name and some other information and know that I could easily locate him if I wanted to, but I haven't done so.

Do these feelings seem valid?  Any advice on how to just put this behind me and move on?[/quote]

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