Reply to My husband thinks his "soulmate" is somewhere out there

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry you are going thru this.  Being outside the situation, I don't know that you can hold on to someone that doesn't want to stay.  That puts you in an awful situation of accepting whatever sh$$ he wants to hand out.  He very well may decide to pursue whatever soul mate while married if you refuse to consider a divorce or be such a jerk and argue with you about everything because he wants to assert control where he can or push you to the brink to want to divorce him.  I had a mom that was of the school that no matter how my dad behaved in the eyes of God they were married so she would NOT divorce him.  It was terrible as kids hearing our parents argue all the time.  They would contradict each other with child rearing things all the time and then start arguing putting the kids in the middle. My dad had a girlfriend and would lie to us about where he was and there were times we had no way to reach him.  Eventually one of the girlfriends convinced him to divorce my mom and he served her papers and I think there was some legal thing where she HAD to move out the house and wasn't sure if you could afford to buy him out. To my dad's credit he waited until the youngest was out of high school before he initiated the divorce so my mom wasn't kicked out the house with the kids.  So needless to say I don't believe in staying together for the kids.  You either both commit to working on the marriage and maybe having kids is the push to keep trying or you split up.  The living together as husband and wife while having boyfriend/girlfriends on the side while arguing about everything because everyone is miserable and happy but saying you are together for the kids is BS.

However, the one thing I think is you are right to insist he needs to do right by his kids.  He can find a soul mate but that soul mate needs to like kids because he will have his 40% of the time and coach little league be at parent teacher conferences etc.  When you go back to work in this post divorce world he should know up front how that changes his responsibilities and that to afford what you need to do with the kids he may need a second job etc until the youngest is out of day care or you need to have the type of space where you can have an Au pair. Etc.  I'm with you that I doubt the 3rd marriage or soul mate etc. Would make him any happier.  But I'm truly shaking my head at the unlimited time and money he thinks he will have while raising 3 young boys with partial custody and working full-time.

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