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[quote=Anonymous]My 40 year old husband wants to leave our 10 year marriage and our family (three children under 10) because he believes there is a "great love" or "soul-mate" out there just waiting to be found by him.  I am his second wife.  He says his first marriage was a mistake.  Now I am a mistake.  We have had a lot of problems, mostly because of me, he claims.  He is not perfect and won't accept that he might have contributed to the breakdown of our marriage.  We have been to counseling and our counselor even believes that we are both to blame.  She also doesn't believe in the concept of a soul-mate, but that you make a life and great love with the person you have chosen to marry (why else would you have married them?).  Anything that the counselor says that he doesn't agree with, he won't accept.

He believes that finding some great love is the only way you can be happy.  If he were to leave, he thinks his life will get easier.  He thinks I will care for our three kids most of the time while he has time to find happiness.  He even suggested he go live overseas where he has always wanted to travel.  He would just send money home.  We have three BOYS.  Boys need their father around. He is a good father most of the time and loves them but I think he would have no trouble detaching and it would break their hearts.

I guarantee he won't find his soul-mate.  Because he has enough personal issues (not having anything to do with me) that even if he finds someone, it won't last.  He lives in a fantasy world.  He keeps saying "life is short" and is really depressed.  He keeps going on and on about the career he wishes he had.  He just turned 40 last week.  When I tell him it sounds like a midlife crisis he says no. It is just an unhappy marriage.

There are so many other things in play here.  We have not had the best marriage, there have been many rough times and many times I was not easy to live with.  Neither was he.  But the facts are that I want to keep the marriage intact.  I am not willing to sacrifice my children's opportunity to grow up in a home with two parents who could get along and enjoy doing things together for the sake of finding someone "better" suited to me.  I believe you find happiness within yourself.  That you don't rely on someone else to be happy.

Should I let him go or keep fighting?  I think if he could realize that this great love might not be waiting out there and it wouldn't be a simple, happy life even if he did, he would try harder to make this marriage work.  Don't a lot of third marriages break up statistically? All of our friends and family at home who know us think he is making a HUGE HUGE mistake.

And please don't just say "leave him", because it is much more complicated than that.  We have three young kids and I know I could make it work on my own but their quality of life would suffer and they would have to leave their home, school, friends, activities.  I am a SAHM so I cannot afford the area we live in on the amount of child support he would be paying and any job I get would cancel out childcare for the kid who is not in school and before and after care for those who are.  I moved around a lot as a kid and so did my husband and we both know what that can do to a child's well being and self esteem.  I want to avoid that for my kids at all costs.
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