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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like your DH has to reach out with some compassion to his mom.  She was probably very, very lonely after her husband died.  I am assuming they were together for many decades?  It doesn't sound like you have much compassion for her situation.  Has your DH been visiting her?  Calling her regularly, helping her try to adjust?  This is not to negate the red flag situation, but the situation is probably very complex and she sounds so sad.[/quote]

This is not my DH's mother it is his fathers wife at the time of his death.  They had been together for 20 years, involved in my DH's family but not instrumental in raising my DH as he was a young adult.  DH's mother is still around and lives near us.  We do speak and spend time with "step mom" regularly.  It is complex and sad.  DH and I are united but we also know from her past that she can hold a grudge for a long time.  Last time we set boundaries with our young children she would not visit or speak to us for 2 YEARS!  Part of me doesn't want this to happen as she is getting old but I do not want her drama in my life.  At this point she is drawing the line in the sand and saying that we welcome him or no her.  ARGH!!!  Of course I have told her that her relationship with this man is hers not ours and if she is happy we are happy although I do not want to nor do I feel the need to welcome this guy into my home.  So maybe I will just get what I ask for no him no drama!  Really sad she is willing to diss her children and grandchildren for this.[/quote]

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