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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Anyone successfully get someone to go[b] after numerous refusals with the ultimatum[/b]?[/quote]

well, here's part of the problem. He thinks an ultimatum really isn't one, since there have been numerous ones.

Sadly, I think you should initiate separation. maybe he'll go to counseling then, if not, its for the best because the situation isn't working for you or for your daughter. [/quote]

OP here. So I phrased that wrongly. What I meant was that my husband has repeatedly refused to go to counseling. He thinks it's a waste of time. I didn't mean that I have repeatedly issued ultimatums and not followed through. I can see how it would be read that way because, well, I kind of wrote it that way.

I guess the good news, if there is any, is that I never had to issue the ultimatum. I said I would not live through another night like last night, and if he keeps blaming "miscommunication" as the crux of our issues then let's go to a third party to hold each one of us accountable for what we say. To my utter surprise, he agreed. Finally. (Last night was particularly bad, not because it was more "explosively angry" than it has been in the past, but because it just came out of nowhere and made no sense.) So he has agreed to go. At this point there's no denying we have enormous issues, so I hope it's a true offer to go. I'll call tomorrow and find someone hopefully. Thank you all for your input. [/quote]

Also get your own counselor.  Going to counseling with someone with anger issues can sometimes make you feel like the crazy one because everything will turn into your fault.  Hopefully that won't happen to you and you will get someone good and resolve things.  I pray that you do.

My DH saw the light only when I told him we had to separate and that I had rented a place and was moving there, and his only choice was whether to be a grown up and talk to the kids with me or not.  This was aftermany years, 2 attempts at marital counseling, a family intervention, and years of his own individual counseling.  We're still apart and he now accepts, at least in part, that he is verbally abusive and needs to do serious work on that and other issues, and that he has damaged the kids with his behavior, but I don't know if he will accept enough and whether I can go back.  Luckily, I don't have to decide just now.

Also pick up Patricia Evans's book on verbally abusive people.  They also have it for Kindle, which is how I could read it without his knowing it before I left.  Good luck to you, OP.  I really hope your husband comes around with a lot effort than mine needs, assuming he really comes around at all.[/quote]

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