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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I guess I commend you for trying, but i'm sort of from the school where if you have to beg someone, if you have to work tirelessly to convince someone of you, then you're better to just call it a day. [/quote]

This.

Basically, counseling and therapy don't really work unless the pt is a willing participant.  They'll say whatever it takes to make you shut up about it and sweep it under the rug.

I am personally of the mindset that I don't do 'ultimatums' - either acquiesce to them or offer them.  If you give me an ultimatum, my automatic response is: great, the answer is no, I'm calling your bluff.  And if I'm wrestling with someone who won't work with me and it's to that point, then I already have the "no".  I guess a lifetime of being around some P-A behavior has made me think these things are silly.

There is an alternate way of handling it, which does not engage the conflict or escalate it: just take action.  Get a separation.  Just get an apartment, line up your ducks and really do it.  It's not a threat - it's a real action.  Worry about doing what you have power over - yourself and your own actions - and quit trying to make someone else do something.  If you move out and separate and he gets desperate to get back together, let him make his own choice to get counseling for his anger.  Don't give him a list of things he has to do - just tell him what you want and let him work out what he needs to do to be what you want.

But seriously: people don't change that much and they tell you who they are soon enough.  Just tell him you're tired of living with an angry person.  And stop listening to angry rants.  Walk away from it.  Just reject the behavior.  Hang up the phone, etc.

See a counselor, as the other poster said.[/quote]

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