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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your step-daughter sounds to me like she might be gifted but have a learning disability.   Read some of the other GT/LD threads on DCUM, many of which have specific advice about the process for getting supports (like an IEP or a 504 plan) for your stepdaughter.

Is money an issue?  Full neuropsychiatric testing by a private professional can cost 3-5000 dollars.  Some of it may be covered by health insurance, but probably not a lot.

If you believe that the child might be suffering from a learning disability like dyslexia or some other disability like ADHD, you can write the school and ask for an IEP and they will be required to provide a psycho-educational assessment at NO CHARGE.  If money is a problem, this can be a good place to start.  If you disagree with the results of the testing, you can ask the school district to pay for an "independent educational evaluation".

If money is not an issue, many people retain a lawyer or an advocate to work through these issues as it takes a LOT of time to learn about the special ed process and the various learning disabilities.

Do you live in the same area as stepdaughter (sounds like not since you have only summer visitation).  If you live at a distance, IME, this is too important an issue to just wait until she comes to visit next summer and then get her tested.  Time is of the essence.

If your DH is going to raise it again with exDW, it would be good if he is constructive, non-accusatory and actually has a specific proposal like -- "I've done the research on area psychologists and neuropsychologists and I've made an appointment for DD on X date.  I called the insurance and they will pay for X amount and I propose we split the remainder 60/40 (or whatever).  Will you take her?  If yes, then let's decide together now what we should say to DD about this?"

Alternatively, DH can say, "I know we agreed that DD should be tested.  I found out that the school system may do it for free.  I drafted a letter requesting an IEP and testing, which is the way the process starts.  I've signed it, can you sign it also?  If you let me know the meeting date, I will try to participate in person or by phone to support DD's case."

Try not to harsh on the ex-wife for not following up on this.  It is a huge task to fight the educational system, time consuming and expensive, not to mention dealing with the ongoing problems with the child (both academic and behavioral) and the expense of it all.

Also, try not to let this be a problem that is anyone's "fault".  It's nothing bioMom did or didn't do.  It's not stepdaughter's fault.  It's not DH's or your fault either.  If there's an LD or other disability, it's a result of a brain that is not neurotypcial and a school system and world in general that doesn't know how to teach to that kind of brain.  As you have seen your stepdaughter is smart and the behavioral problems are likely a result of not being taught appropriately and then developing poor self-image, which is classic in these cases.

Besides, your DH can probably be doing a lot more -- Is he following up on his DD's academic record at school?  He doesn't have to wait until 1st quarter grades to make a decision about what to do.  He can ask the school to provide her complete academic records -- any MAP testing, statewide annual exams, access to any online grade keeping so he can see which classes and assignments are failed, poor or not done, etc.  All that provides evidence for the IEP to be requested.

What school system is DSS in?  Post a separate thread in special needs to get more information specific to that school district about initiating the IEP process, and to get recommendations for testers, etc. [/quote]

NP here. This thread represents the best of DCUM -- thoughtful, caring people who take the time to share their valuable insight and expertise and support.
Golden nuggets![/quote]

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