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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't pounce on me and call me horrible or a bad daughter - I know I am one.

My dad is the best man in the world. He has always been loving, generous, selfless, kind, sweet, eager to please, feminist, and devoted to his children. He really is the best man ever. The fact that he is highly socially awkward wouldn't bother me too much. But he also has almost no self-esteem. Just no self-esteem. I understand why (he was bullied a lot in school, was naturally sensitive and awkward, never had any luck with women, etc) and am not judging: he is an amazing person, I'm lucky to have him and I honestly do love him. I'd die for him.

But anyone can bulldoze him. He's very smart an an academic superstar but he cows before the women in the family. He apologizes too much. He's nervous and wants to please. He wants his kids' approval, like he wants everyone's approval.

How do you tell your own father he needs self-confidence without emasculating him by actually saying that?

My mom is completely different but she has stuck by my dad because he is a good man and she loves him despite all of this. I love him too. But I don't respect. What do I do to repair this? It's awful to say that I don't respect my own dad, who is a good person. And I can't very well say, "Dad we need to do father-daughter therapy" because that would make him feel even more inadequate than he already does.

Go easy on me!

[/quote]

Your post makes me really sad.  I'm a lot like your dad.  I'm not socially awkward, but I am highly non-confrontational.  I hate confrontation.  It has been a problem for me.  Any stress or confrontation makes me have stomach problems.  I think it's a personality disorder.  I cannot be assertive and all, have a hard time making decisions, and all I think about is pleasing people.  I have been like this for as long as I can remember.  As a child, all my parents had to do was raise their voice with me and I would do whatever they would tell me because I couldn't bear to have conflict with them.  When I was a teen and was kidnapped and raped, all I did was try to please my attacker.  i cannot fight with my husband, I just try to please, even when I know it's not my fault, even when I know he's being crazy with his demands.   I don't really have any advice to offer.  I've done counseling, but nothing has really helped.  I just wanted to say that if your father is truly non-confrontational personality, it's not something he can readily change.  It's deeply embedded.  It really makes me sad to think that maybe someday my son with feel the way about me that you feel about your father.  Not trying to be harsh to you, as I understand why you feel that way, it just makes me truly sad.   I wish I could be different, and I'm sure your father wishes he could be too.  Please try to be good to your father, and realize that this is likely something he can't change.[/quote]

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