Reply to growing up in a house with a lot of yelling

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[quote=Anonymous]We yell because we love you is complete and utter bullshit!

As is the argue and make up cycle.

DW was raised like this, I was not.  As a result her behavior often veers into unacceptable tone and language and it has damaged our relationship, at times to the point where I've told her it must stop or I am done.

Where one who is conditioned by the fight & make up cycle can handle that or look forward to the "making up" part, to others (like me) who weren't raised that way and don't accept the yelling &c., it's just more grains of sand on the pile of negativity that will eventually topple the relationship.

I think DW has realized it to some extent but not fully.  Now, rather than engage, if she goes there I just shut her down and tell her I'm disengaging.  And I make it clear that I'm not re-engaging as part of the "make up" portion -- that she has to take responsibility, change the behavior, and not assume that it's all OK because it's the next day and she's being nice now.

Sorry I don't have a book to refer you to but good luck getting rid of the toxic approach that this represents.[/quote]

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