Reply to The Red Flag in common: looking for opportunities to be offended

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[quote=Anonymous]I once heard Wayne Dyer make the joke "If you look for opportunities in life to be offended, you won't be disappointed". He was telling the story about how he was jogging in the hallways of his hotel to get some quick exercise, and an elderly woman opened her room door to see what was going on. She asked him what he was doing, and he said he was jogging to get some quick exercise, to which she smiled and replied "Oh!". He added that here was a person NOT looking for opportunities to be offended. And as a result they had a pleasant brief exchange.

Well, that phrase "looking for opportunities to be offended" always stuck with me. And just this morning I put together in my mind that EVERY toxic and difficult person I have had to deal with had this trait.

Personality disorders have many responses in common with what would appear like garden variety responses to situations, until you look at the overall pattern. The problem is that it takes time for a pattern to emerge, and some of the worst toxic ones can take years. Sometimes its family members, sometimes "friends". In either case, bottom lining things is not always so easy.

In addition to recalling that ALL the truly difficult people I have been forced to interact with regularly share this trait in common,  I have also noticed I actually use this trait, when it appears, as a Red Flag of someone to avoid. What I call "the bristle", which is a NON stated NON verbal but nonetheless perceivable combination of body language, expression and "vibe", is a big one for me. It always takes place during very neutral inoccocuous conversation about general topics, like food choices, or movie preferences,etc.  Nothing heated at all- no trigger things like politics or religion. I will give some examples of "the bristle" that I noticed with the mom of a one of my daughters friends later on, but I wanted to open up this general topic to see if it matches other people's experiences.

Thankfully, dealing with this type of thing is RARE for me, but it does happen. (My dad married a very toxic woman after my mom died).

Some people might call this trait being judgemental- its kind of like that, but it begins with that bristling "offended at the mere presence of a contrasting reality" thing.[/quote]

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