Reply to If you have a parent with a personality disorder (or other serious mental illness)

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think you can share some things with your child.

You can talk about the brain.  How for healthy people, emotions are balanced.  You feel sad when there's something to be sad about.  You feel mad when there's something to be mad about.  You can imagine how other people feel, and so before doing something mean, you think, "No, I should stop, this will hurt the other person's feelings."  Part of what kids do, is learn all this stuff.  It takes a while, but you mom and dad will help you think about your feelings and think about other people's feelings.

But some people don't have a healthy brain, even when they grow up, and they can't stop doing mean things, saying mean things.  You know when you mom says, "How do you think that person feels?" and you can tell me?  Well, gramma can't do that.  She can't imagine how another person feels.  So her brain's not always working the way it should.

I am a grown up now, and I can see that and understand it.  I can tell when gramma is starting to think and behave in ways that aren't good for her, me, or you.  I didn't understand it when I was a kid, because my own brain was still young and still learning.  But I'm a grownup now and I understand how a healthy, grownup brain should work.  I understand that a grown up shouldn't manipulate or say really mean things.  So when that happens, I stop the playdate.  That's it, no playdate.

My job is to make sure you're safe, that you're not hearing mean or bad things, and that the relationship is good.  I don't want you feeling bad about something gramma's said, because her brain isn't working the way a grownup's should. Anything she says isn't your fault.  I know that.  So I listen for it and make sure it stops.

(Or whatever).[/quote]

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