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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We've been married 10+ years, 2 kids (5 and 3).  Our early years were filled with travel, great restaurants, lots of wine, etc.  kids wore us down, and then the addiction became apparent.  After several false starts, DH just marked 1 year of sobriety.  Our marriage is a wreck.  We dont fight or anything, and are good parents together, we  just never spend any quality time together (evenings on respective electronic devices, no date nights, no sex for years).... Its pretty lonely.  I think I am just really angry at him... I actually do understand addiction but the sneaking around, lying to my face ("are you drinking agin?") took its toll - it feels like being cheated on. And also, I know I cant do anything about this part, but a lot of our fun and recreation was food and wine related, from hosting parties to world travel, and now that's gone and I'm disappointed and sad and not sure what we'll do when we can travel and spend time together without kids.

I havent really talked to him about being angry because i wanted him to have the space he needed to get sober, but I thought his rehab program would at some point have turned to healing family wounds, and that seems not to have happened.

I know we need to just make time for counseling (easier said than done), but I have questions for anyone who has been through this:  is it not typical for rehab programs (not AA but a real program) to spend some time on relationships?  Can you recover from years of living apart but together? Is an alcoholic spouse always going to use that as an excuse to be selfish? (Feels that way to me but maybe I'm just letting him get away with it).  Any other advice besides counseling?[/quote]

The red flags were all over the place before you married him. You screwed up.

[quote]Our early years were filled with travel, great restaurants, lots of wine, [/quote]

Get over yourself.[/quote]

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