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[quote=Anonymous]I have some really difficult dynamics w/ my dad OP, and having my kids really made me face and think about some of them.  But it also helped me clarify things in my own head, and even view him more compassionately.

Definitely remember that it's not all about you - she is who she is, with all of her flaws, and she was that person before you even existed.  She's been who she is for so long that there is nothing (likely) you can do to change her or her behavior significantly.  BUT, what is different now is that you're an adult, and you're about to be a parent.  You can decide to do things differently than she did, you can set boundaries that work for you and your family, and you are fully empowered to do what is best for you.

Hang on to that.  I find that feeling powerless (which was a major part of my dynamic with an extremely overbearing and autocratic father) was a lifelong problem.  But when I found a way to feel more separate, on an equal adult footing, it became infinitely easier to just walk away from unpleasant conversations, or refuse to engage, or to say "I understand, but this is my child, my husband, and my home - and this is my decision.  You don't have to like or even understand it, but you do have to respect it."

Good luck OP.  Sounds like you're already making a good start.  Congratulations on the baby![/quote]

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