Reply to Dad's 75th birthday--dilemma

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[quote=Anonymous]My dad is turning 75 and he and my stepmother (she, mostly) have planned a crazy extravaganza for it. for background, they live on the west coast, he is retired but still very active and high profile academic. 6 months ago they told us the dates and that it would be a combination of academic friends and family and they really wanted us all to come out (me DH, and 2 and 4 year old kids). the dates did not coincide with our other west coast trip to visit my mom and DH's family, but we sucked it up and bought a second set of tickets to the west coast, for a 4 day trip on labor day weekend.

since then, we got all the details and I really have no idea why they wanted our kids to come. There are 2 days of essentially an academic conference, with receptions (so not kid friendly) and then there are 2 days of 'fun' family/friend activities, but neither of which my kids are old enough to do, so ergo we can't do them either. Then there are dinners every night that are explicitly not kid friendly and they suggested we get a sitter. So, either we go out there and spend time with our kids, but not with my dad, family, or others, and not doing the 'group things,' or we go out there, and trade off watching the kids or getting sitters. Either way, it just doesn't make sense.

My dad has always been clueless, and my stepmom has no children (or grandkids) of her own, so I get that they are not thinking about the logistics like we are. But why the hell did they insist we all come out of there is basically nothing we can all do together with them?

We already bought tickets, but I am considering  going myself and leaving DH at home with the kids. One the one hand, its in a beautiful location and we will have fun with them during the day, but on the other, I'm annoyed that we're spending all this money and dragging our kids cross country (for the second time in a month)   to basically not spend any time with their grandparents or, even, with us in the evenings.

To complicate matters, if we do not all come out, I fear that my stepmother will take it as a huge insult (trust me on this) and will pull all kinds of guilt trips. My dad probably at heart doesn't care if we come or not, but for appearances sake would like to have his (only) grandkids there. [/quote]

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