Reply to My wife always wants to talk

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "My wife always wants to talk"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find that when someone keeps repeating things over and over, it's because they don't feel "heard." So I do my best to paraphrase both the content and tone.

Wife: I can't believe what a jerk Larla was at the movies. She took all my popcorn and Starbursts. I mean, she knows how much I love those snacks!!! What a bitch.
 
You: So you DON'T LIKE IT WHEN SOMEONE TAKES YOUR CANDY!

Wife: YES! That's right.

You: Okay. So I'm going to make dinner now. Do you want tacos?

It's worth a try. And yeah, if you get with a good marriage counselor and are willing to do the work, it can probably be saved. Make the call for the therapist.[/quote]

This is "active listening" and it only goes so far - it only works when the person "being heard" actually wants to fix the problem.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Fair enough, but what do you do when you think she's being unreasonable, abrupt, and rude to people?[/quote]

tell her how unattractive it makes her look.[/quote]

That will certainly shove it back in her face and send the message, but that may only escalate things and drive her away.

I have tried (not saying this will work necessarily) to rephrase (active listening) and then acknowledge her feelings (which is not the same thing as validating that she is "right") and ask if she wants a suggestion (she might not).

If she gets on your case for getting bored of hearing the same old stuff and tuning it out (emotionally at least, and I think that's the smartest thing to do), then share with her what your feelings are about hearing it over and over.  Do not tell her she is "wrong" or that her feelings are invalid, but that you do not share her feelings about topic X, and that your feelings towards her are compromised by the constant negativity.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics