Reply to Please help me stop letting my mom get to me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Stop telling your mom each detail of the house-buying process. Instead it goes like this. "We're moving to the Americas! I'll let you know when we buy a house." and "Mom, we've bought a house in Maryland! Here are the pictures of it. I'll let you know as soon as you can come visit!"

When she texts you, text her back "Hey, got your texts and email, can't chat now, love you, will call Wednesday night!" Keep it light and breezy. Vague is your best friend. Send emails showing your son playing in the sandbox with another kid or sharing a book with a toddler at the library. "Hey mom, Larlo and I made it to the park today - see the attached pics!"

You are partially at fault - on one hand you are using your mom as a friend to tell little details to, but then getting angry at her for wanting more details. [/quote]

OP here.  I tried that for about a year or so.  It was worse than what I'm going through now because she would bitch about me to my dad and how I was breaking her heart by not being open with her and not wanting to talk to her, and then my dad would call me because he really had no choice but to and lay in the guilt trip on me while saying "I know I know, but please, just appease your mother"  So I gave up on the vagueness part because it was worse than giving details.  [/quote]

No. I do not accept your answer, OP. It just means you need to set boundaries with your father, too. "Sorry Dad, appeasing mom doesn't work for me. Here's what I can do: I'll call/Skype twice a week. You keep saying "this is just how Mom is." Well, this is just how *I* am. You just want me to do what Mom wants so she doesn't bitch about me to you. You have to set boundaries with her too. I'm sorry this puts you in an awkward position - that's definitely not my intention. But the only reason it puts you in an awkward position is because you're not setting boundaries with her."

OP, you must be getting something out of all these talks with your mom if you refuse to stop them. Your dad is a grown man. He can totally wake up tomorrow morning and say to your mom "Barbara, stop bitching to me about Larla. She's a grown woman with her own family now, and she's busy. If you continue on with her this way, you'll push her away. And if you continue bitching to me about her, then you're pushing me away. I know you don't want to push all your loved ones away." [/quote]

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