Reply to Please help me stop letting my mom get to me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry OP. She sounds, just from what you are saying, like she possibly has a personality disorder. Those are tough to deal with, because of course the person who has them thinks they are fine. Everyone else gets blamed for everything, etc.

Its a big red flag that she looks for opportunities to put you down about your child, then turns around and makes it all about HER in some way.

Most therapists are not going to have great advice on what to do with a personality disorder, sorry to say. While its a "controversial" diagnosis and was recently removed from the DSMII (I think) most people understand that it still DESCRIBES a lot of people very well in terms of their behavior and responses to things (off base almost all the time).

What makes her such a great grandmother, I have to ask? HOw is that actually possible? Unless she is putting on the Good Grandparent Act for her (possibly/probably) disordered reasons?[/quote]

Op here.  I agree she has some sort of personality disorder and has since I was a child.  It took me until college however to realize that the way she acted wasn't normal, but by then, damage had been done and I think why I have a hard time standing up to her.

It's weird.  With DS she's so engaged, loving, kind, sweet, etc.  I mean, I remember her being like that when I was a kid, but also remember being terrified to tell her I broke something.  I think because she's not "responsible" for DS, she acts differently.  I mean, she really is a fantastic grandmother to him.  For awhile, she was putting me down to him "oh we can't find all your puzzle pieces because mommy is disorganized and she misplaces everything.  How are you supposed to do your puzzle if mommy isn't putting things in the right place" (and yes, that is an exact quote because I wrote it down for my therapist)  But DH has largely put the squash on any of that behavior because if she does it in his presence, he immediately intervenes and she apologizes.  She mostly treats me like dirt whereas my brother is amazing and anyone who does the same thing as me gets a pass while I get shit for it.

I am just exhausted and emotional (I'm 7 weeks pregnant but haven't told her yet because last time I had a miscarriage, she turned the miscarriage into more  of her grief than mine and got mad at me for not being as emotional about it as she thought I should be).  Lol don't get me started on even more crap haha[/quote]

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