Reply to How to tell parents how I really feel?

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[quote=Anonymous]My parents are lovely people. They worked hard to make a life for themselves in circumstances that were not ideal. They are from the west coast and came east (to a far out DC suburb) for a job 40 years ago. They had one child (me) whom they raised on their own. My mother and father are both only children and both sets of their parents are deceased. In many cases, they were clueless as they had no help/role models. They didn't know how to give advice, help me plan for college, pay for college, pay for my wedding, etc. My parents are now in their 70s. Mom's health is deteriorating. It will ultimately be my job to look out for my parents are they become elderly and less independent.

My husband is from a big traditional waspy family. Everyone gets along and everyone is reasonably wealthy. I know they think my parents are a little weird and feel bad for me bc I wasn't provided with a free education or wedding. And I don't have siblings or family members to lean on for advice/support.

Together, my husband and I make a decent living. We live comfortably in a great neighborhood in a close in DC suburb. We have two small children. I worry as my parents continue aging that I will be on the road constantly (1.5hrs each way) looking out for them. They can't afford to move to a condo or something up here. If they were to be moved into assisted living close to us, I'm afraid they'd eventually run out of money and the costs would fall on us and put pressure on our marriage.

My husband and I would like to move into a bigger home in the same neighborhood pretty soon. We asked my parents to move in with us bc I just think it would be the best easiest most cost effective solution. They would need to sell their home and put the money toward renovating or adding on to our new house so they could have a private entrance, private living space, etc.

My parents are resistant to the idea; they're afraid they'll be in the way. My husband is rolling his eyes at the thought of once again having to be financially responsible for my charity case (potentially paying for YEARS of assisted living or constantly living in traffic on 95 driving back and forth to help them). He wants them to be close (mainly for practical reasons); I want them close for those reasons but also bc growing up with NO extended family was no fun.

How do I encourage them to consider this option? And kindly suggest that by trying to give us "space" they're ultimately going to make our lives more difficult?[/quote]

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