Reply to Losing respect for friend because of her relationship and I feel like a jerk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd stop letting her talk to you about him. It's like a release valve - she feels better, you feel worse, she keeps going on.  She needs therapy to understand why this is okay with her. And you're not (I assume) a therapist.  [/quote]
+1

Tell her you've heard it all before, he isn't going to change, and if she isn't going to change either, you can't stand to hear it anymore. She will probably stop hanging out with you, but that sounds like a win in this case. When she grows up (because he dumped her and got engaged the next month), she'll be back.[/quote]

Yes.  This is the only answer.  I've had friends in this situation (and been here...sorta, myself) and I'm convinced that part of the reason they stay in the shitty situation for so long is because they have at least one person to vent to.  When they have to deal with it all themselves, or come to the realization that everyone has disappeared from their lives because of the relationship, they finally change.

Honestly, you cannot save anyone, and you'll only lose yourself trying to do so.  I'd tell her straight up: you do not respect her relationship, you're losing respect for her, and that you cannot be her shoulder to cry on or listening ear any longer.  And oyu understand if that means she will stop speaking to you, but you cwill not continue as it has been.  AND THEN STICK TO IT.  She will probably flip out on you, make you feel guilty, or eventually start talking about him again, but stick to your guns.  If she brings him up, shut it down ASAP and directly tell her that you said you weren't going to listen to it anymore.

She doesn't value herself and its no wonder he doesn't either.  You cant make her learn to love herself (unless youre a therapist) so the best you can do is preserve yourself. [/quote]

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