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[quote=Anonymous]Couple points.

I live in MD and we adopted in Kansas. There were a few reasons for that.

First, your home study must be done by an agency in the state where you live. You can't live in NC and have a Virginia agency do your home study.

Second, stay away from facilitators. They are illegal to use in the state of MD. I have heard some people have success with them, but they are shady shady shady. They will ask for money that you will not get back.

Agree with PP on this:
Ask the agency for a break down of fees. Ask their policy on paying adoptive parents paying birth mother expenses. Ask if there is a failed match, will the fees you paid be lost or applied to the next match. We had a failed match and did not have to put up any money the second time until everything was DONE.

I would absolutely start by going to an information meeting night with an agency. You aren't obligated in any way, but you will get a feel for what is required of you. In MD, two big ones are Barker Foundation and Adoptions Together. I wouldn't put a lot of credence in how long they say it will take. They told us 2-3 years, and once we had our paperwork done, we had our son within a year. I got a little turned off by the whole process, but always remember, this is a business. They are building families and most people are in it for the beautiful thing that it is, but it is still a business.

Agree with PPs that any decisions regarding adoption are extremely personal and you have to go with your gut. There is no right or wrong way to go about adopting. One of my pet peeves is there should be universal rules; as it stands now, every state can do whatever they want. Some will allow adoptive parents to pay for cell phone bills, water bills, new pair of tennis shoes for the birthmoms, but some, like MD, require you only pay for medical and legal things they need done. Be very careful and make sure you know what they can ask of you upfront.

For us, we first tried to use word of mouth to find a birthmom. I had an attorney for a very short time. We put up flyers on college campuses, set up an 800 number so birthmoms could call us free, emailed gynos and ministers in our church, with our story trying to find someone. We never got close to finding a birthmom, but we did get calls from 2-3 scam artists who tried to get us to fork over cash. Thankully, we were on to them pretty quickly. I got very turned off by that and went straight to an agency. We chose Kansas because we wanted a buffer zone between us and the birth parents. Now, it seems silly, but at the time, it was important. We wanted a healthy, white infant. We also wanted a quick relinquishment. In Kansas, birthmoms can sign the final paperwork within 12 hours of a birth. Once they sign, it is irreversible. They cannot change their minds. In many states, they can have 30 days or even longer to change their minds. We didn't want to go through that, especially after going through failed IVFs. I was done with failing.

Good luck to you, OP.

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