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[quote=Anonymous]So in September, we will be a year since my mom came to stay with us. She was fired from her job (for the 2nd time) and was living at her husband's mom's house out west until he kicked her out. They have always had a very turbulent relationship. By that I mean that he is slightly younger and is a con artist who has blown through her entire pension (it was a good amount) in a few years. She had to sell her last house to pay his child support.

Back to the point. She is 70 and has no job and no money. She is having memory issues and probably needs to be evaluated, although she refuses. She has social security a little under 23K a month and I am getting her to apply to other programs such as SNAP and reduced metro fare. So, that's progress. But I have 3 kids, including 1 toddler and 1 infant. I work full time. We have two bedrooms and the pull-out functionality on our sofa just stopped working so DH and I sleep sitting up bc we had I give her our room (DH works unconventional hours and so he needs use of the kitchen/bathroom at odd hours plus she has a CPAP and luggage and stuff that otherwise crowds the living room). DH and I are just out of our 20s and doing well for professionals our age, but are by no means rich and are saving up to buy a bigger house rather than putting a bandaid on our needs by renting one. We love our neighborhood and our child goes to an excellent school, so we do not want to move to a larger home in a cheaper suburb. And, anyway, we do not WANT to live with my mom. We need room to be a family and frankly, she interferes. I won't go into details, but she just has that type of personality.

Still, we have been looking at deferring our plans to save/buy to move to a bigger place (we can afford one or the other, just not both at the same time). We were thinking that we'd rent a larger house and then rent our house out to my mom and a roomie. Her reaction was incredibly negative and  she started crying and trying to lay the guilt trip...she has all of these issues about not being used to living with people, blah blah...she also still is involved with her husband although he is out west and they have not seen each other since she got here. She talks about how she has no money to live anywhere on her own and about how she has this expense, that expense...she doesn't like any of my proposed solutions. Yes, I have a sibling,minute he is even younger and has no plans to give up his o-so-cool yuppie life and be less of a tool bu helping me out and housing her for a little while. Sidenote: before she moved in, he had moved out of our basement, which he had been living in for 9mos, only a few months earlier. He decided to stay with us while he was looking for a job after taking 6 years to finish undergrad as I was 2 weeks away from having my 2nd baby.

I have to lay in a bed. I am so tired and drained. I am physically and emotionally stressed. Sitting and and/or sleeping on the floor or an air mattress...nothing really works. I am being offered a promotion at work and I am scared that I may have to turn it down bc the pressure of having her here and just the negative environment it creates will inhibit my ability to do a good job. I need the promotion, though - it is significantly more money and it positions me to get closer to my career goals. I do all the cooking/cleaning/laundry/shopping for everyone which, I know, is also an issue between me and DH (yes I have read Lean In, lol) but since he is living w his MIL, I feel like there is very little room for me to compain and little some/privacy to work out our issues.

I guess this long post has so many elements and I need help with them all. I don't have the time to see a therapist (I work through lunch, have no weekends since my DH works most weekends) and I am not really sure that's what I am asking for anyway...I need to know how to deal with a senior who can mentality and physically live on her own but thinks I am an awful person for suggesting she spend her own money and be independent (although we would still take her grocery shopping and do the lawn, etc). I want her out of my business. I want 4 hours of solid sleep in a bed. I want to let my 1yo cry it out but since I moved him out of our room and into his siblings', I can't. I want her to see a doctor/therapist. I want less of her moodiness, which really irritates and stresses me. I want to discipline my kids without them being able to run to her. And I feel guilty about all of it and also have no idea how to find resources for her and how to find the time to do it all.

-in over my head

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