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[quote=Anonymous]I am a white American married to a Vietnamese man (for about a decade now). In general, it's pretty culturally inappropriate to ask Asian in-laws to accommodate you vs. you accommodating them. Plus, I think that sort of demand is pretty rude since they are trying to connect as a family in their native language. Imagine being asked to speak to your parents only in a second language every time you spent time together -- could you really feel like you communicated with them as deeply as you would have in your native language?

In addition to my in-laws, many of DH's friends are Vietnamese and English is a second language for all of them (they are not Vietnamese-American but have all immigrated here at some point). All are very well educated (most work for WB/IMF or similar) and friendly, polite, and kind.

I NEVER expect a group of non-native speakers of English to speak in my presence only in English. How obtuse and rude would that be? Let's say I am the only non-Vietnamese speaker in the room (as I often am) -- is it really fair to ask everyone else to speak English? No. Is it fair to ask my in-laws, who are older, traditional Asian people, to accommodate a single daughter-in-law at family gatherings? No.

In larger groups, there are usually a few people who chat with me in English and the rest talk in Vietnamese. With my family, they either speak to me in English when directly addressing me or speak in Vietnamese to the larger group. Sometimes I don't understand everything. Sometimes I do. One huge benefit of this arrangement is that I have learned a LOT of the language and culture (I also have taken occasional classes and have a textbook to learn more), and my son is essentially perfectly bilingual thanks to the exposure.

If you want to know what they are saying, why don't you put in some effort to learn Cantonese? Speaking as an adult learner of a tonal Asian language, it's doable. And you will forge a greater bond with your spouse, learn along with your child, and deepen your relationship with your extended family by doing so. It's certainly a preferable course of action to demanding everyone else speak a second language to accommodate you.
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