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[quote=Anonymous]I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing concern and saying, "I am worried about him".  You don't have to elaborate, and I would change the conversation if your MIL becomes defensive.  You can bet your MIL and FIL have worried about him nearly every day of his life since puberty or before.

I am further down this journey with a bi-polar SIL.  My FIL passed about 10 years ago, and MIL now has dementia.  I would work hard at continuing a relationship with your husband's sister.  She and your husband will need to be a united front in decisionmaking at some point.

I would try and show compassion to your IL's and always remember that with an adult who is not harming themselves or others there is very little help to get if they don't want it.  Mistakes were certainly made in hindsight, but the course of your BIL's life would likely have been no different.  Sad, but true.

Can you not visit at all at Christmas?  What about staying at a hotel and seeing your family briefly.  We also went through times avoiding my husband's family, because we just did not want to deal with it all.  In hindsight, this was likely a mistake.  I just can not emphasize enough how important it is to keep up good relationships with everyone else in the family.  It will make decisionmaking about your in-laws living situation as they age easier and then figuring out how to support the brother once parents are not able to.   [/quote]

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