Reply to The evolution of the parent-child dynamic when the child becomes a parent

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[quote=Anonymous]Try to separate the two relationships. If you would like to have a closer relationship with your mother, can you talk to her about doing that or just take steps on your own to try to foster additional closeness? If at all possible, try to not entwine the two relationships, remember your mom is older and in a different place in her life than she was when she was raising you. This may mean that she is emotionally able to do things differently with your kids than she did with you. All you can do now is try to connect further with her where she is now, IF she is willing and able to do that. If not, let me throw this out there. Try your best, if not emotionally destructive to any party, to allow your kids and your mom develop their relationship as best they can. Eventually, your kids will see and understand how your mom treats you and the nature of the relationship between the two of you. It is one of the greatest gifts and lessons for you to be able to model grace and understanding to your kids by not  interfering DESPITE you not getting what you want and need from your mom. I hope this is not the case, but I say this as the granddaughter in the situation you speak of  and the child of divorce whose mother is my hero for ever denigrating my father and allowing me to see him for who he was and developing our own relationship. The same to be said of my grandmother who was not and is not fully emotionally available to my mom. 
Best of luck -- hope it works out for everyone.[/quote]

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