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[quote=Anonymous]I really, really, really do not want to visit my in laws and my dh (understandably) feels obligated to do so since we have not been there in years. Just thinking about visiting them sends me into a panic attack.

My FIL has some mental problems relating to a very serious illness. He was near death and never quite recovered cognitively. He has extremely limited social skills and says inappropriate things to me all the time. He also follows me around the house and tells me he thinks I don't want them to visit. He also goes on these monologues about random historical things and you can't get away. It is like dealing with my 2 year old in a 65 year old man's body, and I feel nervous and overwhelmed in his presence as a result. Also, it is not just me, he was fired after a lengthy career for an inappropriate situation involving a teenage girl.

My DH does not get along with his parents yet feels obligated to invite them to come here, so it ends up being a weekend of fighting, which also adds to my stress. He and I then fight ourselves, and the whole experience just sucks. We are both on edge the whole time.

They are from a different country and their culture finds it offensive for family members to stay in a hotel. While I understand this, I just can't stay at their house. Not even for a night. It would be bad enough to go there at all, but at least a hotel would let me escape a bit during nap time and the nights would be cut short because of our toddler's bedtime. The idea of staying there 24/7 with my FIL creepily following me around the whole time is just more than I can take. Their house is also somewhat unclean and the last time I was there, I was really grossed out that they kept cans of open wet cat food (completely exposed and open) in the refrigerator among all the food that we were supposed to be eating. We can't even really leave the house because they live in a small Midwestern town with nothing to do, and even an escape to the grocery store is an ordeal because FIL tries to insist on coming with.

Bottom line, visiting them in the first place sounds horrible to me but staying there is just not possible. Yet,my DH feels like not visiting, or visiting but staying in a hotel, would be a huge insult. Any advice for a compromise?
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