Reply to Getting seperated...what is fair?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for the responses. We have ironed out a bunch on our own.  We used the online calculator to come up with $1500 in child support with the kids on his insurance and me on my own insurance. Does this seem about right?

We are trying to do collaborative divorce due to the finances and children involved.  It has not been easy.  His first idea was that I would move out and I would watch the kids for him until he could get home (sometimes not until 8 or 9 when he plays sports or whatever).  Then, pick them up to go to school the next day. Basically, I was supposed to continue catering his schedule (raising the kids as usual), but also get a second job and live elsewhere.

I don't suspect a physical affair, because he most of his outside activities are with men we both know. However, I recently found out that he has been keeping in touch with an old girlfriend who lives far away.  While hurtful that he lied and hid it, I don't think it really matters at this point.

On the retirement point, I just wanted to say thayt I am not out for anything that is his.  Yes, he earned it at a job that compensates him for his work.  There was a year, aside from my bed rest pregnancies and maturnity leaves, that I stayed home for various reasons.  We have a child with some special needs and the cost of a private special preschool was as much as I made.  I have a background in this, so it made sense for me to stay home.  I worked harder during that year than any year of my life. My husband has been apart of these decisions and OUR children benifited.  There were times when I did work full time.  However, as a natural consequence of taking time off or going part-time, my earning power and retirement has suffered.  It did not seem like a huge sacrifice to me when the idea was that we both would have the comfort of his retirement (which we have always put more into).  We have never had to pay childcare, and he benifited from my contributions to the household (saved on expensive interventions with my son).  It just seems unfair that the rules of the game should change in the middle.   I am not asking for half his retirement, but a portion based on the length of our marriage.

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