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[quote=Anonymous]I have a brother who's also inclined to take an all or nothing approach to relationships, who doesn't hesitate to hold a grudge for years over an offense so minor that no one else who witnessed it has any idea it was a problem. Doesn't sound quite the same as your brother, but with mine, I find that I just have to not engage with his rage at all. He's personality has this underlying constant anger and frustration, but he also has a lot of good. I have conversations around the good, set up interactions that allow his positives to shine, and when he gets riled up about something some one did, I quietly listen for a minute or two but then try to move the conversation along to something else and don't take sides - he can get pretty scary when he's upset, so I try to cut the tirade off before he goes off the deep end. He may one day cut me off, or take a multiyear hiatus from speaking to me, but I already know there's nothing I can do to prevent that. It's how he operates and whether I'm the one he next feels has plotted against him is really out of my control. So, I try not to worry about it and I don't put a whole lot of stock in us being close. When we can enjoy each other's company, that's great, but when we can't, that's fine and he just needs the space.

I don't know if that's helpful OP, but my point is just that sometimes it's not about you and realizing that can help you detach emotionally from whatever the outcome may be. [/quote]

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