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[quote=Anonymous]So I am sort of in your brother's position, although there is abuse and mental illness in my family. My brother inherited alcoholism and substance abuse issues from my mother. My brother came very very close to dying 8 years ago and his use of alcohol and substance abuse is especially dangerous in his case. My mother condones it and my father very aggressively opposes the use of alcohol and drugs, so my brother talks to my mother but not my father.

My mother is a pretty toxic person. She was emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive towards me and generally a mess. I don't talk to her and I only barely speak with my brother (though I do TRY, he is not very reliable..). Anyhow, my brother often tries to convince me to visit my mother/her family and says I will have to "go back eventually." Honestly, I was never planning on talking to them again, unless she seeks professional help.

Someone told me that it doesn't really matter much if my brother's memories and perspective of my mom are more favorable than mine, because I remember abuse. I felt abuse.

The idea of reconnecting with my mother makes me very fearful and uncomfortable. Please consider that your brother's actions came out of a place of self-preservation, that his feelings are quite real for him, even if they are not very "real" for you.

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