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[quote=Anonymous]You need two comments, one to BIL to try to discourage him from pushing DH's buttons and one to defuse DH's temper.

This one would come off better if DH could come up with a way to say this without losing his cool, but he can't, so you step in:
Sure you don't want to go biking?  Man, you're a dad now, you need to be healthy for your kid.
----Come on Harry.  Dick doesn't need you picking on him like you did as kids.  It rubs him wrong.
----And his friend, Tom pointed that out the other day, but Dick just reminded him that it's too hot to go biking.  The air conditioning works for us.

You tell DH that you will help intervene as long as he continues working on trying to ignore the fraternal poking from his brother.  If he gives up, so do you.  So you make comments like the one above to try and help remind him that he needs to treat the jabs as he would if someone else said that.  Hopefully with time and work, he can remember to see through the emotional baggage and handle it like he would comments from anyone else.  I understand, I'm a little brother and both of my siblings do toss comments out regularly that rub me so wrong, but if they came from friends and acquaintances they wouldn't but me as much.  I try to focus on the comment rather than the source and can at least keep most of my retorts to my siblings internal and unspoken.  I slip sometimes, but much less often than when I was younger.
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