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[quote=Anonymous]We alternate Thanksgiving with DH family and my family. This year it's his family's turn. In addition to DH, DD and I, that means their other son and his family (DW + 2DCs) come for this. MY Ils live within driving distance and I like them very well so normally this is not a problem at all.

Except this year I am expecting a November baby. The baby will be roughly 3 weeks on Thanksgiving weekend. On a recent visit, I told MIL that because the baby will be so little, I do not think we would be able to come. I was apologetic and polite and provided plenty of reasons - the baby will not be immunized yet so I don't want him around a ton of people, he will be so little that even on the not-too-long drive we would have to stop repeatedly and feed/change him which is not something I want to do in dingy roadside restrooms, not to mention that MIL likes everyone to stay in her house and I think inflicting an infant that wakes and screams every 2 hours at best, is pretty horrible. In general, travelling with a baby that small is a nightmare for everyone. Not to mention that I had a very rough recovery with DD and am not sure if history will repeat itself this time.

FWIW, I would do the same if it was the year to go to my parents'. The logistics are just insane.

I offered, as alternatives:  (a) everyone comes to our house. We will pay for hotel rooms for those who are unwilling to stay in a house with an infant. That way we don't have to travel with an infant and the baby is exposed to a lot less stuff because I will probably keep him in his room for the bulk of the visit. We will order a Thanksgiving meal from one of the restaurants that do it, if I won't be up to cooking at that time (b) My DH and DD go down for Thanksgiving at my ILs and I stay with the baby at home (I will probably be able to have someone come and help me if needed during that time). I suppose if neither pans out, this Thanksgiving we just won’t see DH’s family.

DH is (being a wonderful husband) told MIL that he refuses to do (b) because he says we are a family and he is not leaving me with an infant on my own. He is very happy with (a).  We explained all of this to my MIL but she refuses to accept it and is having a giant fit. Luckily, DH is backing me every step of the way (she tried to work on him alone when I was off doing something else and he point blank told her that he agrees with me, which is why she started trying to work on me directly) but it is still an unpleasant impasse as she thinks I am very unreasonable about this and keeps trying to change my mind and pushing.

Basically, my question is – who is being unreasonable – me or her? And what is a good way to deal with this situation?

To offer a bit more background – it’s not as if Thanksgiving falls apart, we won’t see them for a long time otherwise. We see MIL and FIL about once a month, and we plan to spend Christmas with them, as well as with BIL’s family (i.e., the same contingent as was invited to Thanksgiving).  
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