Reply to MIL issue, or do I have one?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "MIL issue, or do I have one?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]As another one of those husbands, I think you're overreacting, but I definitely understand your concern.  My Chinese parents came to the US in the 1950's so have spent 2/3 of their life here.  Despite this, Chinese is still their first language and English is their second.  They both work/worked in the US in English and have no trouble communicating most of the time in English.  I was raised bi-lingual, but there are still a number of nuances of English including puns, double entendres and colloquialisms (especially newer younger colloquialisms) and connotations that pass them by.  In my case, my parents live in Florida and I only talk once every week or two to them.  And we see them twice a year.  But, language is one of those things that if you don't use it, the skills fade.  My vocabulary decreases when I don't speak the language.  When I am with my parents, my Chinese is weaker at the beginning of the week and stronger at the end of the week of visiting.  It's good to keep your skills up, especially if you don't use the language regularly with anyone else.

We try very hard to use only English when my wife is around and we are teaching her and our kids some Chinese phrases and vocabulary, but sometimes we forget and lapse into Chinese because it's easier.  I often have situations where I would have to explain something to my mother twice, once in English and again in Chinese.  And sometimes, like when I'm driving or when we are pressed for time, I just use Chinese because it's easier and faster to communicate.  I'm not trying to exclude my wife, but I'm trying to take care of things the most expedient way that I can.  My wife has mentioned that she completely understands (after 12 years of marriage and 14 years of knowing my parents) how time consuming it can be sometimes to have to do things back and forth in two languages, but she does say that sometimes she feels like the outsider in my family.  And it's just when I'm with my parents because neither of my siblings speak Chinese, so when the extended family is together, we only speak English.  But she also sees how much longer some communication takes when we only deal in English. That said, my mother knows she can sometimes get better explanations from me in Chinese than she can get from my siblings in English so she asks me more questions.

So, I understand why you feel this way, but know that often there are family dynamics that come into play.  As long as they always talk in English when you are in their presence, you should let the issue of what they speak when they think they are alone (even if you are in hearing range) lie.  It's not a battle worth fighting.  I know that when I push too hard to speak in English only sometimes my mother feels like I'm ashamed to be Chinese and of my Chinese heritage which isn't the case.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics