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[quote=Anonymous]I've never had a great relationship with my mom, but her behavior over the past few years really has me reeling.

My parents had me when they were 22 - they worked low wage jobs so I grew up with very little, until I was well into my teens and my dad's small business started taking off.

Back in 2008, my parents were still married and my dad owned a successful property management company.  The bulk of his business was with one very lucrative contract.  He had this contract for a few years (leading up to 2008) and netted about a million in the final 3 years (I know this because I was my dad's bookkeeper).  They live in the Midwest, so this money is a little more significant there.

When everything blew up in 2008-2009, my dad learned that there would not be another contract, or at least not one nearly as lucrative as what he's had.  When my mom found out, she basically freaked out, said she didn't know what she'd do but there was no way she was going to stick around and "support his lazy ass."  She makes about 45k a year as a nurse in a pretty cush 3/4 time job and has not kept up her skills to get a real hospital job.

So, long story short, they sold the house, got divorced, and walked away with about 150k apiece from the house.  In addition, my dad liquidated his business, and split that plus the remaining cash 50/50.

They'd spent the last few years basically eating out every night because neither of them wanted to cook, 
frequent vacations, 
home renovations with luxury finishes,
and my mom buying every little damn thing for my teenage sister.  
Oh, and my mom's plastic surgery.

I am really shocked how little they have to show for the years that they were doing well.  They hardly have anything in retirement.  They are both 59 now.

My dad is more or less unemployed and has been living with a girlfriend and doing odd construction jobs.  He has continued his commitment to paying for my sister's education, even though he hasn't found enough work to really support himself.

My mom, however, bought a large condo with a smallish DP.  I think she should have put a larger DP because of her age and her inability to budget well, making a low mortgage payment a priority and essentially "locking up" a portion of her assets so that she would not be able to spend it.  She becomes very defensive about getting advice from anyone.  We (my siblings and I) have reason to believe that she gave a large chunk of cash away to a "friend" soon after the divorce.  All along the way, she comes up with all sorts of reasons why she should not have to help pay for my sister's college.  Honestly I don't know if she has ANYTHING left.  It's probably only a matter of time before she's knocking on our door for money, but she'll probably head to my better-off brother and SIL first  :?

I am angry because:
My parents frittered away so much money when they were doing well.  I believe my dad really wanted to save more but gave in to "keep everyone happy."
My mom being all "friendy friendy" with my sister (mom and I were never close) - but avoiding helping her through college, behind her back.

I can't imagine doing this to my children.  They are only 3 and 6 now and DH and I are just getting into our careers and our childcare costs are high.  But I CANNOT IMAGINE doing as my parents have - putting a kitchen renovation and a tummy tuck before saving for retirement and paying for my kids' college?  CRAZY.

I not only plan on making sure my kids graduate without debt, but also giving them whatever other help that we can - help with a down payment, contributions toward grandchildren's retirement, etc.  Despite having a pretty low HHI for around here, DH and I have already saved up a good chunk toward our own retirement.

I am willing to put aside all of my own desires until everything else has been fulfilled.  I am used to doing without for myself. I'll be happy if my kids are happy.

I say all this now, but will something happen as I get older that will make me just want things for myself?
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