Reply to Feels like the final straw in my relationship with my mother (long)

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[quote=Anonymous]... and I need some help, advice, insight, please. I don't want to end my relationship with her but I am also very frustrated.

I graduated with my Master's degree last week. Earlier in the year I was not planning to go to my graduation, but about a month ago I said I wanted to and she and my dad said they were excited and wanted to go (I decided to attend partly for them because I thought they'd want to come). The university is in the same city we all live in.

I called her the day before the graduation to confirm details (they knew it was a morning graduation, and the date). She said she didn't know if she could come. I was confused and sad. She brought up a cosmetic medical reason and said she might have to go to the doctor instead, for what is a non-urgent procedure.

We talked briefly and I texted her later that day &quot;it would mean a lot to me if you could come tomorrow.&quot;

She said &quot;wonder why a few weeks ago you weren't going but now it would mean a lot to you if I go. Sometimes I get discouraged because I feel like I am generous then people aren't grateful.... like at the &lt;&lt;family event 6 months ago&gt;&gt; you were not nice to me... recently it has been better but often I feel a lack of care about me.&quot;

I was shocked and angry to get that as a text message the day before my graduation. I don't know what she is talking about regarding the family event where I was &quot;not nice&quot; to her, and it was 6 months ago, and she never said anything about this! Also, if it has &quot;recently been better,&quot; why the need to write all this and guilt me before such an event?

I eventually wrote back &quot;stay home.&quot; She said &quot;I finished my work so I can come.&quot; [I don't even know what to say about that.... it made me feel awful]
I said &quot;please stay home because I want to enjoy the day without this negativity. This day isn't about you.&quot;

She said &quot;no kidding. I am not negative. I believe in honesty. This is a special day and I am happy for you.&quot;

This was the morning of my graduation, and I said &quot;this is not stuff you should have texted me the day before my graduation. Please stop writing me.&quot;

I realize this shouldn't all have happened over text, but I'd already called her, she essentially expressed she didn't want to come, and she started this horrible text conversation.

For those avid DCUMers, I am the same poster from the fall whose mom was holding the inheritance money over my head to come get books (can't find the post now). My mom and I had a lot of difficulties growing up, but things got better when I moved away to college, and I haven't lived with them in years or since graduation (I am mid 20s) I am totally financially independent and have never asked for money.

Nothing bad has happened, or fighting, this year that I am aware of. I work full time and have been in grad school, so I have not been very available, but it's also been the hardest past few years of my life. I have never been as busy, or stressed, or tired.

I feel very hurt and manipulated. I don't know what to do or how to come back from this. I welcome any insight. I don't even know how to talk to her now. I don't think she understands how hurtful it was to tell your daughter the day before her graduation you just don't feel like coming.

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