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[quote=Anonymous]
First, I think your insight is spot on and I applaud your tendency to want to stick with your wife. She and your children are your nuclear family now, not your parents.
(So many apron strings still not cut off between other mothers and sons...)

Second, the only solution is to limit contact with your parents: it would reduce the stress on your wife, and your parents have declared they are done anyway. Win-win, except for you. I know, it's hard for you, and you have to let go of that dream you had of being one happy family together. By the way, your wife's suggestion of leaving her out of visits to your parents was a good one, many people do that to save their sanity.

Third, as you pointed out, your parents were never going to be happy anyway with any of your significant others. Separating you from a former fiancee is a terrible thing to do. I suppose you realize that they are deeply disturbed individuals who apparently cannot love you for who you are, since your choice of spouse is a defining factor of your identity. They appear to be pathologically controlling as well.

Could it be partly cultural? Even so, they crossed the line a long time ago.

My parents, particularly my mother, hate my husband. I admit he has given them some cause, not in the way he treated them but in the way he treated me. However, even in that situation, I resent their interference because it signals that they do not trust me to deal with things. They are hypercontrolling and would never have approved of any spouse for me either. My mother went so far as to insult him to his face, and did her best to have him stay elsewhere when she invited the whole family to her house. Mind-boggling stuff.

So we limit contact as well.

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