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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry OP.  [b]It sounds like you are handling a really messy situation with a lot of grace.  I also think you are putting your child's best interests first, at signifcant expense to you emotionally - which is commendable, rare, and really a huge gift to your child.[/b]

Do you think there is a way you could frame some boundaries, in writing, to the ex's family.  "I very much want Jane to have a relationship with all of you, and I am really pleased we have been able to make that work thus far.  I do feel though, that we're all having some frustrations with the arrangement and I think it would be helpful to clarify how this could work.  I would love for you all to be able to see her when you come to town (for full days on your own as we've been doing, as well as an occasional visit in our home so she can show off her room, etc...).  I also want to be sure she has contact with you in between visits - as we've been setting up with Skype, and perhaps some day in the future - mail or email.  I value you all as part of her family and will do my best to ensure nothing but the most positive interactions possible.  As you can imagine, it takes some coordination to make sure these things are possible - which is why I need advance notice when you plan to visit.  I also ask you to respect that my personal life, beyond your role with Jane, is not something I intend to or feel comfortable discussing."

Etc...  you get the gist.

Set up some boundaries for yourself and stick to them, while constantly reiterating that you absolutely intend to ensure they are a presence in your child's life.

If they can't respect your boundaries then you can cut off contact, and if they have any brains and value the relationship with the child, they won't do that.

Good luck.  I really think you're doing a very admirable thing but you will probably never be thanked for it fully until your child is a parent and dealing w/ some similarly challenging dynamic.

As for the next few weeks, make your terms clear, make your best offer re access to the child, then be firm about not giving in to pressure and do not beat yourself up.[/quote]

Just wanted to reiterate what PP said here. I know you're going through some tough times with this situation but you are a very good mom, OP. Every kid should be so lucky. [/quote]

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