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[quote=Anonymous]Quick background: XH no longer in the picture, I have primary custody, it was an ugly divorce and the ex-ILs were heavily involved and the cause of much of the nastiness, kid is K-age, ex-ILs live a 5 hour plane ride away.

I have a few issues.

1.  xMIL is coming for a visit next month and is apparently upset with me because I am not planning her visit for her. She has not said anything, but ex-BIL is now messaging me and saying she is upset because I'm not replying quickly enough or with enough information. In the past year, I have sent her multiple emails with hotel and sightseeing suggestions and replied to all of her texts, FB messages and emails within 24hrs. I suggest good dates to plan visits, send her links to possible events that she would enjoy taking DC to, I allow her access to my social media so she can see what DC is up to. She wants me to pick out what they should do each day and help her figure out how to get to NYC from DC, what she should do when my kid isn't with her, spend the days with her, etc.

2. xMIL is also upset because we don't have a 'good' relationship. I do not answer questions about my personal life, only superficial things and I keep the focus on DC. I don't give her information about my family or my career or dating life or anything like that (even though she asks). I invite her over to dinner one night each visit, because DC wants to show off her room and toys, etc, but for the most part, I bring DC to her in the morning, they do their thing all day and we meet up in the evening at a restaurant.

She's gotten upset in the past asking if I really want her and her family in DC's life and she'll go away if I just tell her, and how she loves DC so much, but isn't sure if I want her to visit, etc. I told her that it is important to me that DC have a good relationship with her father's family and xMIL will always be welcome to visit, I just ask that visits be planned in advance so I can make sure we don't have any major conflicts (we travel at least every other month).

But here's the thing, she's partly right. I have no desire to be friends with her. She threatened to take my child away from me and I don't trust her since she's proven that she's more interested in keeping up appearances than keeping my kid safe. She is my child's grandparent and since XH has taken off and DC is very young, it falls to me to keep the relationship going. I don't want DC to think that she's been abandoned by her father's family, so I do encourage visits and have said that I'm open to things like Skype after this next visit (now that DC is old enough to handle it). I am totally fine with a friendly relationship and I am polite, helpful and kind to xMIL when she's here, just like I'd be polite and helpful to anyone else. I just don't want be [i]friends [/i]with her.

This visit is stressing me out. The build-up to the visit is stressing me out. I now have ex-BIL messaging me and asking me personal questions (he normally doesn't contact me). My family thinks I should just block them all and be done with it, but I figure letting them have access is best for DC and prevents them from doing something like filing for grandparent's rights (which they have threatened). I'm pretty good at shutting them down when they troll for info about non-DC-related info, but they just don't stop.

Am I a huge bitch for not wanting to be friends with xMIL? Or a sucker for allowing these visits? I usually feel like both every time I talk to her. Any suggestions for a 5yo and a small-town-60yo to check out together (she wants to go somewhere 'new and fun', not just museums, even though DC loves museums)? Any strategies for staying sane in the next few weeks leading up to their visit? [/quote]

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