Reply to supporting mom with dad in hospice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry for the difficult time you're going through.  In my experience, just being present is the most important thing.  Visit your mom, visit with your dad, talk to both of them, listen to both of them.  Ask a lot of questions that you  may never get to ask again.  Acknowledge all the reasons you respect and love them both.  Just being emotionally present, and allowing my parents to express their feelings and fears and wishes, was the most important thing I did during the time my mom was in hospice.

I think my folks also felt some kind of internal pressure to settle things and make a plan.  I wish that I had encouraged them to slow down - that we didn't need to sell the house and car immediately, but could take a few weeks to figure out the right course of action.  My parents were so eager to see each other taken care of that i think we rushed things that could have been handled better.

In my case, it also helped to take on some of the administrative burden.  I took over health insurance payments and billing issues, and other paperwork that my surviving parent just wasn't ready to tackle alone.  I think it helped to relieve that burden.

All my best with the tough road ahead.[/quote]

I was in your situation 4 years ago, OP. This is good advice. You are right that you and your mom with experience this differently; you both are grieving but will do it in your own way. My best advice besides the other good advice you've gotten here is to be patient with your mother and to connect with people IRL who have experienced this. My friends who had lost a parent were invaluable to me -- they knew what I was experiencing and I didn't have to explain anything.

This is very, very hard and I am so sorry for you. Just having been there for both of them will bring you comfort later.[/quote]

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