Reply to Do you regret not being more hard-charging / leaning in in your career?

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[quote=Anonymous]Absolutely not.  I feel very fortunate that we can go to the Halloween parade, every soccer game, band performance, play performance etc.  Also, financially we can afford for them to be in an activity and have the flexibility to pick them up.  My parents had a long commute to work and didn't have flexible jobs, nor did they make the kind of money to pay for public college much less private college.

Some of the things you mentioned, like helping with a wedding or downpayment, grad school etc. are nice but at that point my child is an adult.  I feel like my children (as adults) should be able to afford the decisions that they make. I won't be involved in those decisions. Only they will know what is worth it to them in terms of tradeoffs.  Will they find an employer that can help pay for grad school or pay off school loans?  Will they buy a smaller house or commute further to buy a house?  Will they look into a smaller wedding to fit in their budget?

That's different than the situation now where my kids are dependent on me and their choices are limited by my decision, not their own.  They may want to play an instrument but they can't unless we can afford the rental, sign them up for the activity, make sure they have time to practice, bring them to the band concert etc.  If they have to use a computer for homework, we have to provide a computer or bring them to the library and oversee what is needed to complete the assignment.  If you think you are compromising your retirement saving or you are barely surviving financially, I would consider leaning in more.  Also, consider at what age your kids need more of your time. My DH traveled quite a bit when the kids were young.  With homework and activities it would be harder if my husband traveled like that now.  I think in a few years when the kids are more independent with their homework, spend more of their free time with friends, and kids are starting to drive,  it would be as a big of a desk if one of us worked more hours.[/quote]

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