Reply to grandparent visits- when is it too much

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[quote=Anonymous]If your parents actually want to have a close relationship with their grandchild, then it is not in anyone's best interest in furthering that goal for there to be tension for their entire visit.  Their visits are too much for you. The baby is older and is not changing so rapidly.  I would set a limit on what works for you.  If what they actually want is to be close to their grandchild, then doing visits in a way that makes mom and dad happy to see them is going to make their grandchild much more comfortable with them and doing visits in a way that stress out the parents. The kid is going to pick up on your stress and associated with grandparents. Not good for anybody.

Expecting them to visit for just one day is obviously not reasonable. But figure out what would work for you.  Three days? What if they visited for three days every three weeks instead of five days every four weeks? Would that work for you?  Or is the length of the visit less important than the frequency? Would you be fine if they consistently stayed for a week but came only every six weeks?  I think your parents are going to keep doing whatever the hell they want unless you tell them flat out that it is not working for you and you need something to change.  Once you do that, be prepared for them to kick up a fuss, but know that that is the price you pay.  If you stick to your guns and you and your husband present a united front, then they will figure out that these are the terms that work for you and they will adjust themselves accordingly.  OR they will continue to be angry, selfish, and manipulative. If that is the case, then they are showing you that they do not care about their grandchild, only about being in control of you and your husband. If that is the case, then you are automatically excused from feeling guilty.[/quote]

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