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[quote=Anonymous]I have incredibly positive family bonds.  My inlaws are a bit trickier.  But the one huge main difference I see between our families is that mine does not use guilt as a means to get their way.  Ever.  No one is ever guilted into ANYTHING and never has been.

The result:

We all love to spend time together, have great relationships, respect boundaries and marriages, our kids love each other and the grandparents are helpful, without middling.  Everyone also respects and welcomes all the in-law families too. In short, there's no guilt needed because we all flock together naturally.  If someone didn't want to be a part of it, that's too bad, but we would not guilt them into coming to Xmas.

My inlaws use guilt to attempt to get what they want.  It's amazing how it backfires and actually makes you want to spend LESS time with them.  Mostly because they will still find some other reason to lay guilt at your feet.

Main take away in life: be someone other people want to be around.  That way you'll never have to request that people spend more time with you, because you'll already have that.[/quote]

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