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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm really impressed at how well you've dealt with your parents.  Yes, upon reflection there are some things you would do differently next time but you're no doormat.  Sounds like you are in control of your life.

It would be okay to step back from your mom for a bit.  My mom was never that crazy so I don't have any experiences to share that would be useful for you.  For me it was going to Al-Anon and working on accepting that I couldn't change her.  At the time I didn't realize she was an alcoholic.  She was the co-dependent and my dad was the recovering alcoholic.  But she had never given up complaining about my dad and trying to control people in order to control her anxiety.  I had kept trying to show her the error of her ways (without success) so I still had to work on accepting that I couldn't change her.

That was an enormous help.  Once I was able to set some boundaries with her it was easier for me to be sympathetic over the anxiety that I realized totally controlled her life.  Only later did I realize that she was probably a secret alcoholic.

Anyway all this is to say that I had to set boundaries with her and once I was able to do that I was able to have a better relationship with her.  Don't know if this will happen to you but at least it's a reminder that detaching doesn't necessarily mean that your relationship will disappear or get worse.  [/quote]

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